Once again President Bush’s tactless tongue has offended world opinion, this time by describing terrorists who happen to be of the Muslim faith as, “Islamic fascists.” Many leaders of that community have demanded he apologize and I agree. President Bush owes an immediate and heartfelt apology to the Fascists everywhere.

Sadly, since the Fascists are not here to speak for themselves (a less enlightened generation of Americans, not understanding the futility of trying to solve a political problem by military means, failed to leave enough Fascists alive to keep up their end of the public dialogue), I will do my best to explain why such comparisons are so insensitive.

Part of the reason that Fascists are held in such low public regard, you will recall, is the way they treated civilians. The pictures of little Jewish children baring their arms to display the tattoos the Nazi’s had given them at the death camps have been a particularly difficult image to live down. But, say what you will about how the Fascists treated other people’s children, they were reluctant to hide behind their own.  Can you recall any stories about Germans placing their missile launchers near their own schools?  Loading up the van that transports missiles with kids before heading off to the front? 

And uniforms.  If ever there were a people that loved uniforms it was the Fascists. Even when the Germans used their own children as soldiers during the final fight for Berlin they were careful to put them in uniforms.  So it must be particularly galling to Fascists everywhere to be compared to the one group of people that seems positively allergic to uniforms.  For if there is one thing that defines the present conflict in Lebanon (and Iraq) it is that the Islamic side refuses to wear uniforms.

Now admittedly, that is not entirely fair.  The Islamists have nothing against uniforms per se, they just don’t like to wear them when there is shooting going on.  Anyone who has seen their interminable parades of tanks and even guys dressed up for suicide would have to admit that they love uniforms and have even made contributions to the art of uniform design—who before the Islamists could have come up a uniform for a suicide bomber?  And who can forget those adorable little suicide bomber uniforms that toddlers were wearing in the family portraits that were found adorning the walls of so many Palestinian homes?

But the Islamists seem to lose all their enthusiasm for uniforms during the actual war.  Those uniforms we see during the Hezbollah day parade are for display to adoring crowds; when it comes time to actually fight, the uniform becomes and impediment.

And this is why it is so unfair to tar the Fascists with the Islamic brush. The uniform is not just a fashion statement. It is a tool to make oneself a target in order to protect the non-combatants on your own side. Thus, wearing a uniform represents a double loss. It makes the ‘soldier’ more vulnerable to getting killed and makes the civilian less so. Given that generating civilian casualties is among their chief war aims, actually wearing a uniform to the fighting represents a lose-lose for the Islamists.

To be fair there are some points on which the Islamists have bragging rights. They are, for instance, rather more straightforward about their intentions.  Hitler, as one may recall, did not demand that Europe bow down and submit to Nazi rule.  His negotiating position was that he just wanted justice for the Germans of Czechoslovakia.  True, a new local grievance was found as soon as the last “final demand” was met (protection from Polish aggression being my favorite), but Neville Chamberlain still had the problem of figuring out which Fascist statement to believe.

Hezbollah and their backers, in contrast, have been admirably forthright.  President Ahmadinejad of Iran has relieved the rest of the world of the burden of deciding whether any ceasefire agreed to by the Islamists would be genuine.  "Although the main solution is for the elimination of the Zionist regime, at this stage an immediate cease-fire must be implemented"

If only the Fascists had been so direct.  Imagine all the divisive floor speeches from Churchill we might have been spared had Hitler had the decency to just say, “Oh, by the way, that peace agreement we just signed?  Just kidding.” 

Then again, Hitler couldn’t afford to be so careless with the truth.  After all, his adversaries had a certain amount of intelligence and integrity.  Comparing the current leaders of the West to Neville Chamberlain would be an insult—to Neville Chamberlain.